[u]Women</u>:
1) Pull into Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee, relax, and read the newspaper.
3) Fifteen minutes later, pay $25 and leave with a properly maintained Cruiser.
[u]Men</u>:
1) Go to NAPA Auto Parts and pay $30 for oil, filter, hand cleaner, scented tree air freshener, and numerous other items you realize you need.
2) Discover that your used oil collection container is full; take it to the recycling center.
3) Spend 20 minutes trying to locate your floor jack and jack stands; no luck.
4) Have a beer; you don't really need to jack up the Cruiser anyway.
5) Place used oil collection container under the engine.
6) Pull out socket wrench and socket; the 5th one you try is finally the correct size.
7) Unscrew oil drain plug.
8) Drop drain plug in oil splashing hot oil all over you (and the garage floor) in the process.
9) Wipe off face with dirty shop rag and sprinkle kitty litter on garage floor where oil splashed.
10) Have another beer while oil is draining.
11) Look 15 minutes for oil filter wrench; no luck.
12) Poke oil filter with a Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
13) Wipe oil off of your arm with same dirty rag used in step 9; sprinkle more kitty litter on floor.
14) Buddy shows up; finish off 6-pack with him. Forget the oil change today--finish it tomorrow!
15) Next day, drag full oil collection container out from underneath the Cruiser.
16) Sprinkle more kitty litter on oil spilled during step 15.
17) Have a . . . wait, no beer left, drank it all yesterday!
18) Walk 2 miles to Corner Store; buy more beer.
19) Apply a thin coat of clean oil to gasket and install new oil filter.
20) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
21) Remember drain plug from step 8!
22) Scramble to find drain plug in oil collection container.
23) Hurry to replace drain plug before entire quart of fresh oil drains all over floor.
24) Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame; band head on floor board in reaction. [xx(]
25) Begin cussing fit
and throw wrench across garage!
26) Clean up and apply Band-Aid to knuckles.
27) Sprinkle kitty litter on one entire quart of fresh oil now pooled under the Cruiser.
28) Have another beer.
29) Dump in remainder of oil into engine.
30) Realize that while you were under the Cruiser, it would have been a good time to grease everything, bleed the brakes, replace those dry-rotted body spacers, and find out where that hideous clanking noise is coming from.
31) Drive back to NAPA and buy another $150 worth of parts that either won't fit, will break when you try to install them, or will be saved for a later project (all of which will have long been misplaced by the time you are ready to start subject project).
32) Drive PT Cruiser (1-quart low of oil) for 7,000 miles; then return to Step 1... [B)] [:0] [?]
