To lighten the mood.......

[thegoldpt]

Okay i needed to find some good jokes to lighten the mood, so i figured who does't like "you might be a redneck" jokes

1. If you have a continous tape of sweet home alabama in you truck, you might be a redneck.
2. If you ever thought a family reunion was a great place to pick up chicks you might be a redneck.
3. If you found a car in your lawn after you mowed it, you might be a redneck.
4. If you have more than 3 trucks in your yard up on blocks, you might be a redneck.
5. If you pronounce oil "eral" you might be a redneck.
6. If your whole number system consists of one, two, and a **** load, you might be a redneck.
7. IF You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws, you might be a redneck.
8. If You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company you might be a redneck.
9. If you waited at a Stop sign for an hour lookin for the word GO you might be a redneck.
10. If Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!", you might be a redneck.
11. If You think the stock market is a place to buy hogs, you might be a redneck
12. If You refer to the duct tape on your car as "chrome.", you might be a redneck.
13.After removing the empty beer cans from your car, you find that it gets fifteen more miles to the gallon, you might be a redneck.
14. If The UFO hotline limits you to one call a day, you might be a redneck.
15. If You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison, you might be a redneck.
16. If The Salvation Army declines your mattress, you might be a redneck.
17. IF You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment, you might be a redneck.
18. If A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 dollars worth of improvement, you might be a redneck.
19. If Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ***, you might be a redneck.

If you want more:
http://www.unwind.com/jokes-funnies/...edneckif.shtml

Thats all for now.

[quicksilverdon]

I agree with you - I'm resisting the political threads...
He's my contribution:
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two
gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new
restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."

The other man said, What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name
of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one
that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the
kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went
to last night?"

[Retro]

Has anybody seen the redneck comedy tour movie? That one just makes me roll on the floor! I love the redneck jokes and can always relate to at least one or two! I come from an old Texas pioneer family with several widely separated "branches" where people are related but not really related and my son DID used to flirt with one of the girls at the family reunion.And the six pack and bug zapper entertainment sounds rather familiar. Not exactly, but when I was a kid, summer entertainment consisted of sitting on the back fence and listening to the "surround sound"- which was the square dance teacher across the street calling squares "ALEMAN LEFT..." etc., listening to the tent revival preacher cranking up down the road, "THERE ARE BUGS IN THE BOTTOM OF THE GLASS, THEY'LL GITCHA!!!"and listening to the crowd cheering in the distance at the baseball game. And it's pronounced "awl" for oil! Cute jokes, guys!

[VellianPT]

The perfect husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure... go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$260,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing.... the house we wanted last year is back on the market They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later. I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks: "Anyone know who's phone this is?"