You must be a conservative if...

[amazingarthur]

You might be a conservative if...

You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
You think push-polling is a fine way to win an election.
You believe there really is a "liberal media." But never mention, Tucker Carlson, Joe Scarbourogh, Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Bill O'Reilly, and the entire Fox news network.
You know the old saying in Tennessee. "Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."
You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two."
You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people would just work more jobs.
You believe a lie becomes truth by repeating it many times in many different places.
You've ever referreFd to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend."
You think lying, cheating, stealing, and killing is just part of the job.
You believe questioning the President makes you unpatriotic.
You think Clinton should be in prison for his other "relationship."
You believe Bush won the 2000 election.
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist.
You think marijuana is more damaging than alchohol.
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
You believe health-care should only be for those who can afford it.
You think Fox News is "Fair and balanced."
You think having a President that has a history of drug use is no problem.
Appointing unqualified people to high government positions shouldn't be considered a bad idea, but should be encouraged.
You think no-bid conracts for the Vice-Presidents company are OK!
You think Rush Limbaugh is a "critical thinker."
You think it's ok to run around at a Republican convention with a band-aid with a purple heart drawn on it and claim you deserve a medal because it's a worse injury than that lousy democrat got in Vietnam.
The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.
You think Mobil/Exxon is a moral company.
You believe getting out of Vietnam makes you qualified to run the military.
You think the country does better under Republican rule.
Having a criminal in the White House doesn't bother you.
You think we are more respected around the world now.
You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
You think the 10 commandments should be displayed in public, but the beatitudes, what were those?
You think it doesn't matter what reason we were given to invade a country, we are there bringing "democracy."
You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."
You believe cutting school budgets-good. Cutting military veteran budgets-better!
You think pollution laws are left wing liberal loopholes to jump through.
You think sending jobs overseas really creates jobs here.
You trust leaders that never showed up for military service to lead your kids into battle.
You believe the Native-American Indians got a pretty good deal.
You think it's good Ashcroft spent tax money to cover the breasts of a statue.
You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
The people trapped in the Super-Dome really are better off, Barbara is right!
You believe tax breaks for billionaires help the economy, while tax cuts for the working poor break companies!
You believe the separation of church and state is a myth.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."
You believe teachers should lead the students in prayer at a public school.
You believe everything the NRA says.
You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."
You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
You answer to "The Man."
You support attacking Iraq.
You believe Religious leaders are in touch with reality.
You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."
You "Pray to God" to help you get through an "Act of God."
You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you suspect Bert and Er

[Johns Steel Blue]

Is this part of your Stand-Up Routine? If not, it's missing a good opportunity!

[Retro]

quote:You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."

This one slays me. What an obvious insult to black people- if you really believe in equality, you would believe a person could hold their own on "the bell curve" regardless of skin color!

[satellite66]

Retro, I thought that was insulting too. I guess not being an elite liberal entertainer makes it hard for a neocon chickenhawk like me to understand. [?]

[Hill Cruiser]

This is supposed to be what is called a "satirical joke"! Lighten up!
[^]

[amazingarthur]

Hey Retro, Why was the liberal version a "joke?" But you are offended here? Usually you make fun of us "politically correct" liberals!

Remember writing this?
This is supposed to be what is called a "satirical joke"! Lighten up![^]


Satellite66, why don't you take your own advice from the You must be a liberal....thread.


Remember this?
Somebody needs to switch to decafe ASAP.

This is typical Conservative hypocrisy! Thanks for helping prove it.

[satellite66]

Look at my post there again Arty boy. I put up a smiley face because I am laughing at you not with you.

[satellite66]

Spirited debate is healthy and individuals have the power to participate or not. If you are uncomfortable then don't indulge.

[Hill Cruiser]

These debates are what make America a great place to live. We may disagree on most political topics but when the chips are down, we'd do anything to help one another.
It's like the police call where one spouse is beating another. The beaten wants the beater removed but as soon as the law arrests the beater, the beaten comes to their defense and attacks the officers.
We are all good Americans, we just have differing visions of what America should be. In the end it will be a compromise that neither side is totally pleased with but can reluctantly except.
It's enough for me to know that I have some control over the choices in my life. It concerns me greatly when someone else decides that due to their "superior moral values" they should make more of those decisions for me.
What a boring place this would be if we were all white, republican (or democratic) christians.....and all drove HHR's!

[nehope]

quote:Originally posted by Hill Cruiser

These debates are what make America a great place to live. We may disagree on most political topics but when the chips are down, we'd do anything to help one another.
It's like the police call where one spouse is beating another. The beaten wants the beater removed but as soon as the law arrests the beater, the beaten comes to their defense and attacks the officers.
We are all good Americans, we just have differing visions of what America should be. In the end it will be a compromise that neither side is totally pleased with but can reluctantly except.
It's enough for me to know that I have some control over the choices in my life. It concerns me greatly when someone else decides that due to their "superior moral values" they should make more of those decisions for me.
What a boring place this would be if we were all white, republican (or democratic) christians.....and all drove HHR's!

[^] Well said, Hill Cruiser!