Santa tells it like it is...

[Gary04GT]

What if Santa answered his mail honestly???


Dear Santa I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Christmas. Iv Been a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn
care. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
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Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
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Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan

Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in
my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
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Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you
busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the a$$e$ of waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
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Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
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Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please
please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy

Timmy, That whiney begging sh!! may work with your folks, but that
crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
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Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
into our home? Love, Marky

Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your a$$ whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams.
Santa

[IRPT]

LOL

[therents]

Somehow I just knew that something like that would be coming from you. I just didn't know when! Now I just know why I like this forum! LOL [8)]

[quicksilverdon]

Had that e-mailed to me nearly 3 years ago - at least you were nice enough to share!!
It's still great.

[Hooligan]

LOL!!! I had seen it B4, still funny.