Red Skelton's tips for a happy marriage

[Jimbo]

I know some of you don't know who Red Skelton was,but a lot of you
do
> > Red Skelton's tips for a happy marriage:
> > >
> > > 1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little
> > > beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on
> > > Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
> > >
> > > 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is
> > > in Tucson.
> > >
> > > 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
> > >
> > > 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
> > > "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I
> > suggested
> > > the kitchen.
> > > 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
> > >
> > > 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
> > > bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets and no
> > > place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
> > >
> > > 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was
> > > water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me
> > "In
> > > the Lake."
> > >
> > > 8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud
> > > fell off.
> > >
> > > 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the
> > > garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"
> > >
> > >10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
> > >
> > >11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with marriage.
> > >
> > >12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
> > > Always.
> > >
> > >13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to
> > > interrupt her.
> > >
> > >14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
> > > I said "Dust!"

[quicksilverdon]

I didn't know some of those went back to Red Skelton!

Friend of mine told me his father gave him advice before getting married :
"Insist upon at least one day a week to go out with the boys,.... and don't waste it on the boys".

[gonzomania]

Jimbo ,
And May Gawd Bless!!!!!!!!!

[Hooligan]

I'm sure that many of us remember Red and all of his characters.[:I]