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The Neverending Joke thread. Caution: Content may be offensive to some readers

 
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  #271 (permalink)  
Old 10 Jan 2017, 10:41 am
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread. Caution: Content may be offensive to some readers

Today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses.
A young lady walks over to me and asks, "what brings you in today?"
I looked at her, and said, I'm interested in buying a refrigerator.
She didn't quite know how to respond. Am I getting to be that age?


I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one.
So I'm wearing my garage door opener.
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  #272 (permalink)  
Old 12 Jan 2017, 09:29 am
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread. Caution: Content may be offensive to some readers

Kind of a groaner...

HOLY CRAP Yall will not believe what just
happened to me....I went down to the gas station to buy a Lipton Tea/Lemonade ....when i pulled in I noticed these two cops looking at a woman who was smoking while fueling up....I saw her and was like...hummm what a Rebel....with the law right there I went in got my drink and as I was checking out I hear someone screaming....look out side and that woman's arm was on fire... she was tossin about waiving her arm around and just going friggin nutso...I ran outside and the cops had put her on the ground and was putting the fire out with an extinguisher. when I was walking to my car the cops put hand cuffs on her and was about to put her in the car...i was like...what on earth?!?...so being the smart butt I am I asked the cops what in the world they were arresting her for....figuring that catching her arm ablaze would be punishment enough...he looked me dead in my eye and said.......For waving a Firearm.
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  #273 (permalink)  
Old 12 Jan 2017, 11:27 am
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Default Content will be offensive to some

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  #274 (permalink)  
Old 12 Jan 2017, 11:32 am
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread. Caution: Content may be offensive to some readers

rockandroller likes this.
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Old 19 Jan 2017, 09:09 pm
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread. Caution: Content may be offensive to some readers

Please hold any e-mails until further
notice as I am in the hospital.
;
;I was attacked by a woman in an elevator.

This lady has a BIG problem!!! ;


;
I was in the elevator when she got in.
I was casually staring at her boobs when she said,
"Could you press one for me please."
;So I did... and I don't remember much afterwards,
but I'm guessing I pressed the wrong one!


;
;
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Old 20 Jan 2017, 12:26 pm
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread. Caution: Content may be offensive to some readers

Quote:
Originally Posted by CREWZIN View Post
Please hold any e-mails until further
notice as I am in the hospital.
;
;I was attacked by a woman in an elevator.

This lady has a BIG problem!!! ;


;
I was in the elevator when she got in.
I was casually staring at her boobs when she said,
"Could you press one for me please."
;So I did... and I don't remember much afterwards,
but I'm guessing I pressed the wrong one!


;
;
I don't care who you are, that's funny right there!!!!!
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Old 21 Jan 2017, 10:10 pm
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread. Caution: Content may be offensive to some readers

Three guys go down to Vegas one night, get drunk and wake up in jail. They find out that they're to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done.

The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am a priest and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens; so they figure God must not want this guy to die, and let him go.

The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am an attorney and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." The switch is thrown and again nothing happens.Figuring the law is on this guy's side, they let him go.

The last one is strapped in and say's "I'm an electrical engineer, and I'll tell you right now, you'll never electrocute anybody if you don't connect those two wires."
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  #278 (permalink)  
Old 25 Jan 2017, 09:51 pm
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread. Caution: Content may be offensive to some readers

Think these would sell in classified section.


Attached Images
File Type: jpg 16142562_10212180968225000_6311292310978059230_n.jpg (95.8 KB, 46 views)
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Last edited by CREWZIN; 26 Jan 2017 at 09:11 am.
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  #279 (permalink)  
Old 26 Jan 2017, 11:02 am
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread. Caution: Content may be offensive to some readers

4 Hour Erection

I've always wondered about these ads. You've seen all the commercials.



But what really happens when you ask for help with an erection lasting more than 4 hours?



I walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.



The woman I was speaking with said she was the only pharmacist and since she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees. She asked if she could help me.



I said that I really would have preferred to speak with a male pharmacist.



She assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss,



I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of professionalism.



I reluctantly agreed and began by saying, "As a shy man, this is tough for me to discuss, but here goes.



I get erections every day that last more than four hours. This condition causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment.



I was wondering what you could give me for it?"



The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister."



When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do:



* 1/3 ownership in the store,



* a company pickup truck,



* a king size bed and



* $3,000 a month in living expenses."
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  #280 (permalink)  
Old 27 Jan 2017, 04:19 pm
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Question Re: The Neverending Joke thread. Caution: Content may be offensive to some readers

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, Im here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.

Thats quite a coincidence, said the engineer. Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

The lawyer looked somewhat confused. How do you start a flood? he asked.
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