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The Neverending Joke thread. Caution: Content may be offensive to some readers

 
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  #31 (permalink)  
Old 11 Jan 2016, 06:10 pm
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by CREWZIN View Post
LARRY MAY BECOME MY NEW FAVORITE!!!!


FB_IMG_14524156676491.jpg are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.' Larry asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom .....
Baaaahaaaaaaa! That last one made me spew spew
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This is a great read from one of our own! Badglas
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  #32 (permalink)  
Old 11 Jan 2016, 08:58 pm
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by CREWZIN View Post
LARRY MAY BECOME MY NEW FAVORITE!!!!
Over in Aussie we call him Tom, Dick or Harry or Johnny.

Little Johnny went to his first maths class and his teacher had an interesting brain teaser for them. "So children, if four birds are sitting on a fence and you throw a rock at one, how many birds are left?"

Little Johnny, eager and enthusiastic put his hand up. "None miss. They'd all just fly off."

"Very good" she said, "but no, the answer is three. But I like the way you think."

"Okay miss" says Johnny, "I have one for you. There are three women in the ice cream parlour. One is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is blowing her ice cream, which one is married?"

The teacher looks appalled yet intrigued. "The one who's sucking her ice cream?" she suggests.

"No" says little Johnny, "The one wearing the wedding ring. But I like the way you think"

Last edited by 917K; 11 Jan 2016 at 09:02 pm.
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Old 12 Jan 2016, 02:07 am
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread

An old trail hand has spent the whole day out rounding up stray cattle. As the sun is setting he rides along and as he nears the camp fire he dismounts and leads his horse toward the other cowhands sitting around the camp fire and loudly says “I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!” His horse says equally as loud “MOO!!”
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Last edited by KA9VQF; 12 Jan 2016 at 02:17 am.
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Old 12 Jan 2016, 07:38 am
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread

Worlds Fastest Camera?

Japanese scientists have now created a camera
with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible
to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed
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Old 12 Jan 2016, 07:39 am
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread

Trivia competition.

I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar
until the last question which I got wrong.

The question was where do women have the curliest hair?
Fiji was the correct answer...

Hell, how did I know they wanted the name of a country?
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Old 13 Jan 2016, 09:23 pm
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread

Attached Images
File Type: jpg speakUp!.jpg (68.0 KB, 81 views)
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Old 13 Jan 2016, 10:15 pm
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread

A Simple Explanation of Baseball ~

This is a game played by two teams, one out, the other in.
The one that's in sends players out one at a time to see if
they can get in before they get out. If they get out before
they get in, they come in, but it doesn't count. If they get
in before they get out, it does count.

When the ones out get three outs from the ones in before
they get in without being out, the team that's out comes in
and the team in goes out to get those going in out before
they get in without being out.

When both teams have been in and out nine times, the game is
over. The team with the most in without being out before
coming in wins unless the ones in are equal. In which case,
the last ones in go out to get the ones in out before they
get in without being out.

The game will end when each team has the same number of ins
out but one team has more in without being out before coming
in.
rckstein and chuzz like this.
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Old 15 Jan 2016, 02:21 pm
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread

A Heart Warming Irish Story
Aahh !!!! Makes your heart sing.

A thoughtful Irish husband was putting his coat and hat on to make his way down to the local pub.
He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said,Maggie - put your hat and coat on, lassie.
'She replied,'Awe Jock that's nice are you taking me tae the pub with you?
'Nay,' Jock replied
'I'm turning the heat off while I'm out.'
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I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
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Old 15 Jan 2016, 03:26 pm
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread

No Underwear


A man went to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting out in the garden in a chair
wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

'Grand dad, what are you doing? Your willie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

'Grand dad, what the hell are you doing sitting out here with virtually nothing on?' he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, 'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck.........

This is your grandmother's idea.'
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Old 16 Jan 2016, 10:42 pm
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Default Re: The Neverending Joke thread

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque.

It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex." "Good morning Pastor," he replied, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?"

The pastor said, "Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, "Which service, the 8:45 or the 11:00?"
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