senior humor

[Jimbo]

I've been getting a lot of these,I think their trying to tell me something.



I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the
time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
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Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think
is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply
replied, "No peer pressure."
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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband? "98," she
replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker
commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"
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I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries. A hip
replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm
half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40
different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly
feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have
lost all my friends. But..... Thank God, I still have my driver's
license!
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A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I
want my sex drive lowered." "Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97.
Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're darned
right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"
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An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make
her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes
scattered over Bloomingdales. "Bloomingdales?" the rabbi exclaimed.
"Why Bloomingdales?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice
a week."
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Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Let's
go get a beer."
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A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve
thirty."
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Morris, an 82 year-old man, finally went to the doctor to get a physical. A
few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor
spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and
be cheerful.'" The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've
got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"

[CREWZIN]

I never get any of those, Jimbo [:I] Maybe they are trying to tell you something.

[quicksilverdon]

Very old man marries a young woman. Being old-fashioned, they have separate bedrooms.
Wedding night, bride hears a tap on the door and the gent enters, and they make passionate love, after which he leaves.
Two hours later, same tap on the door, same passionate love.
A while before dawn, another tap, another session, but just before the gent is going to leave, the pleased bride says, "You're incredible! At your age, making love three times in one night!"
The gent answers, "I've been in here before??"

[KMB60]

Thanks for getting my day going with a few laughs[|)]